In the restaurant business, most investors lose money. They make the investment at least in part because by doing so they get a reserved table and the chance to bring friends to “their restaurant”. But most businesses don’t raise money based on satisfying their investors’ egos.

But not everyone is giving to feel self-actualized. I’ll say what everyone else has, I think, been too polite to say - there are some wealthy people who are at least as interested in having their own egos gratified as they are in seeing communities served. You’ve met them - the donors who have to have the building named after them, who have to it done their way, etc. It’s not everyone and there is hope that a newer generation of donors is functioning differently, but there is certainly a segment of donors who do it for prestige in their community or to bolster their own sense of self-importance.

So some donors give partly or even largely BECAUSE their gift is sought after. And as long as there are nonprofits that need their money, there will be a competition to make those donors feel special and important. Those donors have created (and continute to perpetuate) the incentive for nonprofits to focus on ego rather than impact as the building block for “cultivating donor relationships.”

I look forward to a day when high returns on your social investments earn you more praise from your peers and gratitude from your community than your name on the wing of the hospital, but fear that won’t be true for a long time.

When your sister moves to a new house and asks for your help, it might be great to get a thank you card. But the critical part is that you have a relationship with her and are HAPPY to help for the sake of helping.

It is hard to form that relationship between donors/nonprofits/community served, but I think it is critical. Sending donors flowers on their birthday (especially as a policy and not a true personal relationship) is indicative of a view of donor/nonprofit relationships that keeps nonprofits dependent on “gifts” from donors instead of empowering nonprofits to be an organization that donors seek out and choose.

I’m not convinced they even want to be rewarded. I think they want to join the team, and to keep them around we find a way to let them do that.

Kiva has been able to do this to some extent by connecting donors directly to the people they fund and having the borrowers send updates.

Flowers seem to me to be a way to make donors feel good about themselves for making the donation. I’d rather see nonprofits figure out how to make donors feel good about themselves. I’d rather see nonprofits work on making donors feel good about the good the nonprofit is doing and make them feel that the cost of their donation is well worth the good being produced.

We need communications that make people feel like they’re part of the team, not just the team’s wallet. Birthday flowers are one way to do that. We need to find others. Involving your donors in advocating for the organzation might work (not fundraising, but advocacy). I also think there is a lot of potential in social media. A twitter every few days on what’s up with the non-profit (and not a request for money!) might keep donors engaged.